I don’t know if you know this, many people don’t, despite an ever increasing mountain of evidence, but 95% of the pizza trade in Tampa Bay is controlled by a shadowy, underground consortium of roller skating rinks. I know, it seems so obvious now that I told you, right?
They operate under the cover of night and move their headquarters frequently to avoid detection.
Think about the last five pizza places you’ve gone to. Too much salt? A ridiculous amount of basil? Sauce like Ragu? Horrible crust? Puddles of grease in each concave pepperoni? Not an Italian person in the place? Yep. Roller Rink Pizza.
Fair warning, your life may be in danger now that you know this. I don’t live in the same apartment for more than two months.
Somehow, perhaps because of Old World ties, or an in with the Illuminati, but Gianni’s NY Pizza in St. Petersburg has managed to elude the long reach of the Roller Family.
Gianni’s serves the best pizza in Tampa Bay. Hands down. Don’t even bother trying to argue, because you’re either wrong or working for the Family.
I’ve been going to Gianni’s for pizza for nigh 15 years. I used to stroll down after school and partake in the two slice special with whatever friend who was also unfortunate enough not to have a ride home. Back then, it was just a cheap looking neighborhood joint with hard wooden booths and restaurant supply surplus tables. I liked them then, and I still like them now.
The most recent remodeling is great. The comfortable booths, warm earth tones, and large brightly colored giclee prints on the walls invite you to come in, enjoy a low key evening, and forget the horrors and atrocities that are occurring at the Chuck E. Cheese not a stone’s throw away (definitely Roller Family).
The staff is very friendly and personable. The guy who took my order was polite and efficient. He greeted me like a normal person, without the over the top customer service theatrics of many lower quality eateries (Hello! Welcome to CiCi’s!). He asked the right questions and knew what he was doing on the register (always helpful). Come into the restaurant with a visibly Italian person like my friend Tony (bald, big nose, smells of sauce) and the welcoming banter goes up a notch.
I ordered a large thin crust pizza with sausage, pepperoni, and tomatoes. The pizza and a fountain drink came to $22.30.
A not unreasonable amount of time later, it was delivered to my booth looking absolutely fantastic. The pizza looked like it was made by someone who knows what they’re doing. The toppings were evenly arranged and not gluttonously piled. The crust looked well-cooked and well-formed. And I didn’t find one single orange puddle pooling sullenly.
The pizza tasted great. The sauce was bright, tangy, and tomato-y. The cheese is easily recognizable as high quality. You can taste the difference immediately. The tomatoes were fresh. The pepperoni and sausage slices added their own flavors to the party without overpowering everyone else. The crust was thin and uniform. It was lightly crisped and airy and chewy on the inside. The bottom of each slice was dotted with just the slightest amount of black char spots.
The ratio of toppings to cheese to sauce to crust, the absolute key to a good pizza, was spot on. Perfect 1:1:1:1.
Well done. Gianni’s. Well done.
I don’t have enough good things to say. If you’ve never been, make a plan and go there soon. Then tell all of your friends (about the pizza not about the Roller Family). It is a great pizzeria, and they were even kind enough to install large concrete walls in front of the shop to hide behind in case of a Consortium attack. So watch your back friends and enjoy the city’s best pizza.
Hey what’s this red dot in the middle of my ch-bdfbgadfbgcdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Gianni’s NY Pizza
936 58th Street North
St. Petersburg, FL 33710